By Stephanie MoDavis
When I was diagnosed with systemic lupus at age 19, I embodied what many would consider the model of health - a yoga teacher committed to natural living and wellness. The disconnect between my lifestyle and my diagnosis left both my medical team and me searching for answers. What we failed to recognize then, and what took me decades to understand, was that the roots of my autoimmune condition reached far deeper than diet or exercise - they extended into the soil of childhood stress and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
The journey that followed would span 25 years, encompassing organ failure, years of dialysis, and multiple organ transplants. But the most profound challenge wasn't the medical procedures themselves - it was navigating a healthcare system that, while well-intentioned, often perpetuates unconscious dynamics that can impede true healing and personal growth.
The Hidden Architecture of Patient-Provider Relationships
What I've come to understand is that the healthcare system, particularly for young chronic illness patients, often defaults to a proxy parental model. This dynamic creates a hierarchy that, while perhaps comforting initially, can trap patients in a victim-savior relationship that stunts their emotional and psychological growth.
As my medical journey progressed, I found my voice gradually replaced by the collective voice of the system - a chorus of appointments, directions, and well-meaning but often disempowering projections. I became "the transplant patient," tethered to the hospital by fear and constant reminders of my vulnerability. The message, both subtle and overt, was that I couldn't trust my own body, leading to an internalized identity as "the sick girl" even during periods of relative health.
The Unconscious Dance of Projection
Many healthcare providers, I discovered, brought their own insecurities and unconscious projections to our interactions. Some seemed to need my dependence as much as I had been conditioned to need their protection. This dynamic created an invisible barrier to my recovery - not of body, but of self.
The most insidious aspect of this relationship was how it discouraged individuation. Attempts to separate and establish autonomy were often met with resistance, sometimes leading to being labeled as "non-compliant" or "difficult." The system, I realized, was more comfortable with patients who remained in their prescribed roles than those who sought to integrate their medical experience into a fuller, more autonomous identity.
Breaking Free: The Journey to Self-Healing
My path to true healing began with the radical act of pulling back from the system that had become my surrogate family. This separation required tremendous courage and faced significant resistance. I had to rebuild every aspect of my life - my career, finances, self-trust, and personal image. Most importantly, I had to rediscover my authentic voice, not as Stephanie the patient, but as Stephanie the whole person who had experienced illness as part of her life story.
A Call for System-Wide Evolution
The medical community must recognize that chronic health conditions often have roots in early life trauma, whether subjective or objective. This understanding should inform not just treatment protocols, but the very nature of patient-provider relationships. We need a new paradigm that:
Acknowledges and addresses the impact of ACEs and childhood trauma on physical health
Recognizes and actively works to prevent the formation of disempowering patient-provider dynamics
Supports and encourages appropriate individuation as part of the healing process
Values patients' intuition and lived experience alongside medical expertise
Creates space for patients to develop as self-healers while maintaining necessary medical support
Understand the profound disembodiment that occurs with physcial illness and need for somatic approaches to ground patients back into their body gently.
Supporting integration: self love, self agency, and self efficacy in all patients working toward rebuilding a life around an illness experience.
Moving Forward
The goal isn't to diminish the crucial role of medical professionals or to suggest that all patients can or should separate entirely from medical support. Rather, it's to create a more conscious, balanced relationship between healthcare providers and patients - one that supports both physical healing and personal growth.
For patients, this means permission to trust their intuition, to question respectfully, and to maintain their identity beyond their diagnosis. For healthcare providers, it requires awareness of unconscious projections and the courage to support patients in their journey toward autonomy, even when that journey challenges traditional patient-provider dynamics.
My transformation from a dependent patient to an empowered individual was met with resistance from a system that had helped save my life. This paradox highlights the need for evolution in healthcare relationships. True healing must encompass not just the physical body, but the whole person - their agency, their identity, and their right to grow beyond the confines of their diagnosis. I understand this requires changes on both ends. To balance the spectrum of the disempowered with the often psuedo overly empowered. If we truly care, we will move toward a more balanced middle path.
Stephanie MoDavis is a healthcare advocate and survivor based in Houston, Texas. Her 25-year journey through chronic illness has given her unique insights into the psychological and emotional dimensions of healing within the modern healthcare system.
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